What Are You?

Do you remember the day you realized you were mixed? Not white but not completely black either? Maybe someone pointed out that you weren’t Asian enough or made fun of you for not liking tacos since you were only half Mexican?

Mixed people all over the world have to face the category issue at some point in their lives—an issue many others who identify as a single race do not have to address at all. All of us have our own identity stories and remember the moment when we had to face the fact: I am mixed.

I sat down on the couch with my mother, and before I knew it, through my tears and sobs, I told my mom that I hated myself. I had finally expressed, out loud, the tormenting feelings I had harbored inside for the past two years. Not knowing what to say, she let me cry it out, but from that day on, I began my life-long identity journey to answer the simple question I get asked on a weekly basis: what are you?

And I thought the most compelling three words in the English language were “I love you.”

Many children, like myself, grow up aware that they are not of a single race. Knowing that I was not one or the other but rather one and the other, I went back and forth between my two identities, trying each on with different people, seeing which persona fit best, like a coat or a pair of shoes.

Since that didn’t work out too well, it came to a point where I felt like I had to choose white or black, and essentially, mom or dad. That is a choice no child can make or should have to make just because society has a categorization issue—a society that likes to peg, ostracize, segregate, and separate people based on race and ethnicity.

A lot of mixed people end up choosing one side or the other. That’s fairly common especially if your physical features favor one ethnicity over the other. Others altogether reject society’s categories since it has never provided the right ones for them. Only since 2000 could people mark more than one box on the national census, and because of that shift, 7.3 million people identified as more than one race. Also, 41 percent of those people who identified as more than one race were under the age 18.

There are so many issues when it comes to identification, and some people—ignorant people—make others choose between their races for whatever reason. But despite all odds, choosing for yourself, loving yourself, and feeling comfortable being you in your own skin are the only things that matter.

No matter what race you identify as, check out this song by Murs and the 9th Wonder titled "Dark Skinned White Girl" (my favorite verse is the last one)


Murs-Dark Skinned White Girl by shellyp32

Dating

Let’s talk about something everyone thinks about: dating.

Ah yes, dating! When will it happen? Who will it be? Is he or she the right “one”? Everyone who isn’t in a relationship thinks about dating often, especially when they see that their friends have boyfriends or girlfriends.

Ingrid and Albert
photo courtesy of Ingrid Conerly

But here’s something I bet you would have never really thought about. People tend to date within their own race.

Now me, I’m a walking contradiction of that. But, generally, people do not venture into other races. Why is that? Why do we not date the Asian guy or the Latina girl? Is it because I’m Black or because I’m Native American?

I went to a group meeting at last year’s Japanese Cherry Blossom Festival. The theme last year focused on being hapa (hapa originally meant a person mixed with Hawaiian, Asian, or pacific islander ethnicities and was used in a derogatory sense.) The people running the event focused on mixed races, not just people mixed with Asian or Pacific Islander blood. And there was a panel discussion that focused on being half one race and half another.

During the meeting, a brave girl stood up to the microphone and said that she had dated white guys, she had dated Asian guys, but neither had seemed to fit. She asked the panel of young adults on stage who should she be dating.

Who do you think she should be dating? Should she pursue one type of guy? Should she pursue a mixed guy like her? Should she just sit and wait to be pursued by any type of guy?

My best friend and I had this talk a long time ago. She told me the chances of me dating within my own race were pretty slim, and I agreed. Where was the pool of half black half German guys I could choose from? And from that miniscule group, how many would gel with me?

Here’s something else to ponder: Isn’t it strange that we look but don’t touch? I know girls who will say that a certain guy is cute, but could not see themselves marrying him based on race. So despite the fact that he’s attractive, smart, stylish, funny, and has a good personality, some people still let race get in the way?

James and Catherine
photo courtesy of James White

I’m gonna throw something out there and you tell me what you think: maybe the reason why people don’t date outside of their race is because they are intimidated by culture. Hear me out. If someone you are dating has a strong sense of culture in terms of food, music, family life, etc. wouldn’t you be a little scared? Or at least a bit overwhelmed at first? Isn’t it just more convenient and easier to date someone you don’t have to explain your entire way of life to because, hello! They live it too. I’ve definitely thought about that. If I were to date a black guy, I wouldn’t have to explain my food, music, dad’s side of the family, etc. to him. And he wouldn’t have to explain anything to me either because I would understand the dynamics of a black family household.

How wonderfully boring would that be.

But there are severe downfalls to dating outside of your race as well. WARNING! Please do not read any further unless you truly see yourself dating outside of your own race. Reality can be hurtful. Believe me.

What if she’s not dating me because I’m not culturally strong on either end?

Story time: a girl I knew once told me about another girl she was dating. The girl she was dating was half black and half white. They didn’t stay together, and while this girl was telling me the story she said: she wasn’t even that great in bed. Probably because she wasn’t really black.

PAUSE

*Did she just say that in front of me? Does she remember who she is talking to? So just because I’m only half black that means I’m not really black at all?*

Like I said…reality hurts.

Want another one?

He can’t just be dating her because she’s a cool person. He’s got to have some sort of fetish.

Story time:

I was kinda dating this half Filipino, half white guy a year ago, and when we were hanging out once, he told me that his friends were laughing and joking with him. They said that he had JUNGLE FEVER because he was interested in me.

PAUSE

*Jungle fever? Yea, because I come from the jungle? The jungles of Seattle, maybe, but seriously? Why is it that you have to have jungle fever or yellow fever or Spanish fever or whatever if you do want to date someone outside of your race?*

This stuff can get really deep and really hurtful. It can challenge and even shake the most confident person.

So I want to know what you guys think about interracial dating. Not marriage…that’s a whole OTHER discussion. Just dating. Are there questions you wanted to ask but never thought you could? Have you dated outside of your race? Was it successful? Did the clash of races get in the way? Do you think I’m just buggin’ out and shouldn’t even worry about this? Let me know what you think.

This is a movie trailer to one of my favorite movies on this topic: "Something New"

To see how some real-life people still feel about interracial dating, check this out: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBkzaMOz87E